August & Everything After

Late Aug-Sep 1st

I was curled into a perfect ball under the luminescense of the moonlight. Mel had left my side to retrieve what would soon be a baked chip buffet with a side of coronas. Nothing like summertime right? Yet a scoopful of my sunny sessions have intertwined themselves with a hazy shade of winter. Both good and bad days have commenced much like any other season..but I’m not sure what to think anymore. These days have pushed me down a two-toned road where I’m either yelling for wisdom or suffering in silence. For all our testing moments, our paths seemingly bring forth the promise of confusion on the daily. My list of peaceful mantras grows, so long as the words aren’t predictable, and the activities remain spontaneous. Hit the repeat button on a day-to-day schedule like GroundHog Day? No, anything but that. My travels as expected have been a perfect guiding aura, enlightening any person who’s willing to listen to the positive possibilities. In my mind, I picture this aura looks something like tunnels of sun rays streaking down to the earth. A hole in the dark grey sky that’s disturbed the stormy atmosphere for a brief time, so bits of heaven can touch the ground, & bestow upon any existent life a taste of the good and glory. That’s how I feel when I’m traveling. Light on my feet, antigravity, easy to breathe.

And even in my stagnant position, curled into the grey sofa by Mel’s pool & surrounded by garden, I felt that same enlightenment. The same state of happiness under that moon as I’d feel while flying free. That very particular, symbolic super moon in pisces.

It was earlier that evening when I decided to leave Pocohantas behind…yes Pocohantas. There is zero shame in continuing to indulge in disney at age 23. I turned in my remote for the leash. Happily leaving all technology behind, Maggie & I parted with shelter to embark on a sunset stroll. Watching her prance up & down taking to the streets left me somewhat fulfilled. This creatures happiness rests indefinitely in my palms.

The golden hour has been my treasured hour of day for quite some time now, you’ll hear me mention it a lot. I mentally place this evening into a separate folder of memories. I’ll try to explain, but words can’t describe the little differences that make a moment significant. I wake up every morning yearning to do the things I love most & yearning for progression. If I haven’t fulfilled my daily quest, my golden hour becomes a bittersweet symphony and I’ve wandered farther off the path. The moon, she was big & had revealed herself before the setting sun dissapeared. A pinkish tint to her glow as if she were blushing. To rise above everything else in that manner. No shadows to hide behind & everything open to the skies, naked & boasting. I wasn’t jealous of her position, I just wanted to join her, so I did. Mel & I spent 2 hours of our evening soaking up the lunar glow before hitting the bars.

Outside of The Dark Horse Tavern we found unexpected friends. Old faces we had forgotten, new faces we were happy to greet. Good tidings, good company, and a game of pool are the perfect equation for passing time till the hour strikes 3am. I remember speaking to a stranger that evening by the open windows and feeling happy. And then I remember my internal warning kicking in two hours deep through our conversation. Right on the dot like clockwork to remind me not to lose myself in a persons kind nature. “You can’t trust everyone Sara,” it was saying. At least not right away. It’s like I said, my path has sprung up all different forms of confusion for me. Sometimes when life throws me lemons, they’ve turned rotton and I’m not quite sure what to do with them. After dealing with an immense amount of bullshit it’s important to remember where you stand. Not necessarily amongst the crowd or within your close set of friends, but where you stand with yourself. Noone’s expecting us to be permanently grounded. But if you find enough rich soil to plant your feet into with some room to breathe, add a little sunshine, and a little rain, you can go a long way.

The following eve was a saturday. The sun and moon saw each other in passing as my boat pulled into the Freeport Bay. Looking up, I felt my eyes widen. If the sky was a sea the stars were all fish swimming into infinity, for tht’s the motion it shared with a mortal as every nerve in my body tingled to life. An unknown strength was lifting me up & out of my shoes. And I swore, my heart was going to jump from my chest. One more breath by the bay before reluctantly turning away. I remembered these words as I walked the distance..

“What I love most about rivers is you can’t step in the same river twice. The water’s always changing always flowing.” Note to self & to the world: You’re never too old for some Disney wisdom. Thanks Pocohantas.

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