The Company of Strangers: Why I was more attracted to him for not making a move

Life is made up of moments which make our hearts rise and fall with the motions. The factors that get us through our day-to-day pulse of living need to be uplifting, especially when the road ahead is unclear. With all of this change for those millennial post grads out there, it’s difficult to find our balance in the big world after leaving the safety of our college home behind. But it’s our moments of anticipation that leave us on edge, and push us to keep our hopes at a high for the future. Our predominant uplifting excitement is created from time with those who spark enlightenment in our minds. These sensational thoughts grow and continue to travel, shocking our bodies to life.

I woke up in an apartment shared by three of my friends after one hell of a night. Rather than traveling home on the LIRR promptly after brunch, I returned to their pad in the city of crazed sleepless souls with a mix of friends, and new acquaintances. In a moment of bonding where playful whisps of smoke were found lingering around the room, I sat next to a new friendly face, no surprise there. The real stunner? We fell asleep next to each other. Let me make this clear, this isn’t code word for anything. We were left alone in a room, both of us laughing on our backs as we stared up at a blank ceiling, & within minutes, proceeded to close our eyes and take a planned nap. I know right?! No kissing, no sex. It’s almost as if the reverse of our societal norm is the new textbook definition of scandalous. Taking into consideration of course, the expectations for attention people crave as a result of doing something daring. Or the wave of speed knocking us over in the streets if we choose to reject the racing pace of our surrounding peers. After a full lazy Saturday spent hiding from the rain, my happiness had spiked from a guy I’d just met who surprised me with all the right moves in the bedroom, but not the typical ones. A hot dude laying beside me on a foam padded bed who’s making actual conversation..can you say #humanitysaved? For me this was the biggest turn on, right next to playing in a band and being a guy who loves all animals but hey, that’s the dream.

Here are 4 reasons why I was more attracted to him for not making a move.

Bodytalk, The Comfort Factor: Whether it’s a girl & guy, a girl & girl, or a guy & guy relationship, the language never changes. There’s a message to be taken from the person you’re spending time with, no matter the situation. Time means nothing, character does. We’ve all got those primal instincts we just love to give into, but we’re not animals, and acting without thinking in this scenario is..disappointing.The ability to lay in silence and remain in fluid conversation shows character. In his choosing to be present in the moment, I saw a man of intellect with a variety of interests. He was confident enough to lay in stillness, where the guy who chooses to jump the gun for a quick hookup, is a boy who doesn’t know how to be in touch with other people. Patience allows both parties to feel the vibes each person is sending. Those vibes are always available for use, but quick action automatically cancels out their meaning and purpose. Thankfully, my destiny for that weekend landed me next to a gent who was riding the same wavelength as me from dawn to dark.

Getting To Know You, The Bonding Factor: You don’t need to be a teacher traveling to Bangkok to sing the 1956 musical hit from, The King and I. “Getting to know you, getting to know all about you.” Nice lyrics right? The principle idea is even grander, yet sadly a slim opportunity as the mindset for dating continues to shrink, while the mindset for fucking continues to grow. Now, I’m no prude, and I rarely hold myself back from what I want to say or do. Just remember that there’s an entire person existing within the stranger who stands before you, who’s laying next to you, or who may be on top of you by the time you’re done reading this article. Either way, that body, face, and tidbits below the belt are all going to be looking and feeling way better when there’s interaction before the action. Bonding is better, hands down.

The Trust Factor: There wasn’t an inch of space between us as we sat on the couch, warm from body heat, blankets, and joined by company. I’m reminded of a time over a year ago when I crashed in a friends living room up at school next to an acquaintance, only to wake up to him climbing on top of me and trying to put the moves on. While the annoyance and anger from this memory have subsided, I have to ask, is that really how you’d want to be remembered? I’m still riding on the high of my most recent experience in the city apartment. I know there are grey areas in between all of this black and white, but there aren’t words to express the relief in being with someone, sharing mutual attraction within the first day, and appreciating that without it being indefinitely tied to sexual encounters. Our activities in future get-togethers will never be limited because the groundwork for trust has already been planted. That creepy nightmare has been replaced by the memory of a guy, who enjoyed watching me laugh my way through my first experience of The Wedding Crashers, and I have him to thank for that.

 The Aftermath: I spent the entirety of that train ride home smiling to myself with my headphones in. I left respected, with the tension continuing to climb, and I felt incredibly sexy to know I had received his undivided attention for reasons beyond the physical. When I spoke to him the following day, I told him how he’d scored extra points. Next time I’m with him, I’ll be look forward to seeing what other moves he has. Who said nice guys finish last?